Where Should I Go?
by Platonic1
Summary: [Leon.x.Aerith.x.Cloud] Leon tries to become Squall again while Cloud tries to conquer his darkness. No matter who Aerith picks, she loses both ways. So is it LeonAerith or CloudAerith? You decide... [OneShot]...based on...EVANESCENCE My Immortal


**A/N:** (Sigh) I just realized that Kingdom Heart plus Evanescence equals distraction (bad combination.) (Got me off track once again)

Ok time for the infamous Disclaimer: You think I own KH and Evanescence...lol...you think funny. I don't own Kingdom hearts or Evanescence, you gotta be nuts to even think that.

**Summary:** This is what happens when Leon tries to become Squall again. This is the question Aerith has no answer for, its a lose-lose situation for her.

* * *

**Where should I go?

* * *

**

_**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears**_

(Six months ago)  
Everyone compares him with Lion.  
He is brave, strong, fierce, merciless, reliable, and much more.  
He is fearless in battle, but outside of battle he was afraid of only one thing.  
He was afraid to get hurt, he could bear boundless physical pain but he could not bear the slightest damage inflected on his heart.  
If he finds a problem, then he doesn't rest until he finds the solution for it.  
Thus he locked away his emotions, his feeling, this was his solution.  
He knew that if he locks away his emotions then no one will be able to hurt him.  
This was a fool proof plan and it worked quite well for years.  
But his inner walls where penetrated by someone, and he was afraid that if he lets his guards down then he will be hurt once again.  
She was able to achieve the impossible, so he decided that he is going to tell her tonight.  
He knew that sooner or later he will get hurt, so he thought 'why delay the inevitable.'

* * *

_**And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave**_

(Later that night)Leon: Aerith I want to tell you something.  
Aerith: What is it Leon?  
Leon: Aerith I am afraid.  
Aerith started laughing uncontrollably.  
Leon just raised his eyebrow.  
Aerith settled down after a laughing her heart out.  
She said still giggling "I am sorry Leon, it's just that I never expected to hear THAT from you"  
Leon almost ignoring those comments continued "I want to see things like I use to, I want to feel things like I use, I want to live normally like I use to. I don't want to be a Loin I just want to be a human. I want to be Squall again. But I am afraid."  
Aerith now serious, "Afraid of what?"  
Leon: I am afraid that if I show my feelings then someone might abuse it. I am afraid if I give my heart to someone then they might destroy it. I am afraid that if I love someone again then something might take them away from me.  
Aerith interrupted "Don't be afraid Leon because when you love somebody, you are always together nothing can separate you, no matter what. Plus you would only give your heart to someone if you trust them more then yourself and you won't be able to love anyone if you don't show your feelings. Love is blessing for someone while its curse for the others. Love could bring you boundless happiness or endless pain. It's a gamble which we all have to take. It's the combination of these feelings which makes us human  
Leon: Well then I think I am going to take the gamble.  
Aerith was a bit confused  
Leon: Aerith I am in love…

For the first time the expressions on Aerith's face where unreadable.  
It was a mixture of surprise and delight.  
Her thoughts where also a mess as she was trying to figure out if Leon was seriously serious, because come this is Leon we are talking about. Leon in love is unheard of.  
Without thinking any further she inquired happily "Who is that lucky lady Leon?"  
There was only one word which came to Leon's mind (You) and he would have liked nothing more then to say it bluntly.  
Leon (sigh) "Look Aerith I know that you still love Cloud and all, but…I…I love you Aerith"  
Aerith was absolutely dumbfounded and her mind went absolutely blank.  
Shock was written all over her face.  
Leon (sigh) "I..I know I shouldn't have said that but…but…"  
Now Leon was out of words.  
So he did the only thing that came to his mind. He took off his chain (Which had griever ring in it)  
He took Aerith's hand into his and placed his chain into her palm and closed her figures forming a fist.  
Leon: Aerith I understand that you don't love me, but it's ok. As long as you are happy I'll be fine. I just had to tell how I felt because this was a feeling which I was unable to bottle up inside me. This was the burden which I could no longer carry on my own. (Sigh) I know that this would never happen but if you ever love me Aerith then don't say it, just wear this. (Pointing to his chain with griever ring in it) This is not just a ring, this is my heart and it's in your hands now.

Aerith was still too shocked to say anything but her mind had started working again.  
She had never been so confused before, although she wouldn't admit it but some part of her was really overjoyed to hear that Leon loved her!  
While other half chose to remain loyal to Cloud.  
(Aerith thoughts)  
Just say NO to him Aerith, how hard is that. Even he knows that you love Cloud.  
I can't do that.  
Why not?  
Because this is the first time Leon showed his true feeling to someone in years and if I reject him right away then he will be broken and he would lock himself up forever and I'll be the cause of it.  
There is no way I can handle that guilt. All he wanted was to live normally, just like everyone else. So I don't think that rejecting him right away would be a good idea.  
May be I should play along for now and start living normally like nothing ever happened and may be eventually Leon would get over it.  
Yes that would work, that has to work.  
Time, time heals all wounds.  
(End of Aerith's thoughts)

After much debating with herself she decided that it might hurt Leon to no end if she rejects Leon on the spot, she decided to play along.  
She was barely able to said "I'll need some time"  
Leon nodded and said "I understand Aerith"  
After a short pause  
Leon: I'll be here  
Aerith: Why?  
Leon: I'll be 'waiting'…here…  
Aerith: For what?  
Leon: I'll be waiting…for you…so…if you come here…you will find me…I promise.  
That was the last sentence to be spoken.  
Aerith's mind was screaming 'Aerith run away before it's too late'.  
Leon himself was more then surprised so see Aerith still standing there.  
He expected her to leave long time ago but instead she had stayed with him.  
Leon looked at Aerith while Aerith looked at Leon.  
They both just looked at each other, no one saying a word.  
They stayed there in same state for few minutes and it looks like time had frozen around them.  
They both knew that they will not end up being together but ironically enough neither of them wanted to go.

* * *

_**'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone**_

(One month ago)  
Leon punched the mirror and it shattered into millions of pieces, just like his heart.  
Leon: Dam it! Why can't I get her out of my head? How many times do I have to tell myself that she does not love me.  
Everywhere he went reminded him of Aerith everything he did refreshes her memories.

Now that the heartless ordeal was over, people had started to move back to Hollow Bastion.  
The tension between Leon and Aerith was every increasing so Leon decided to move out.  
Aerith and Yuffie had stayed in Hollow Bastion to help all the new comers while Leon had moved back to Traverse Town and Cid's duty was to transport people and good back and forth.  
Leon, Aerith and Yuffie had evacuated hotel and moved to Hollow Bastion and now that Leon had come back he once again needed a place to stay.  
So he went back to the hotel but unfortunately there was only one room available in the hotel.  
Leon's luck had always been his loyal enemy; the only room available was the red room, Aerith's room.

* * *

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

(One month and few days ago in Hollow Bastion library)  
Leon blinked couple of times as he wasn't sure if what he was seeing was real or not.  
He even pinched himself twice but this all looked too unreal.  
It was his birthday, not that he cared anyway but Yuffie had thrown a surprise birthday party.  
But what really surprised Leon was Aerith.  
She was wearing his griever necklace.  
Leon remembered his words "I know that this would never happen but if you ever love me Aerith then don't say it, just wear this. This is not just a ring, this is my heart and its in your hands now."  
Leon thought "Does that mean the she loves me?"

(Few moments ago)  
Aerith: No Yuffie you don't understand, I…I just can't wear it  
Yuffie: Oh come on now Aerith, do you have any idea of how happy Mr. Stoic would be?  
You could totally make his day.  
Aerith: No Yuffie I am sorry I can't do it.  
Yuffie: You wearing his griever ring, would be so cool, its not like I am telling you to wear this thing forever just wear it for one night that's all. Please…Please…Please  
(End of few moments ago)

Leon "May be I should just go and ask her? Ya lets do that."  
Leon walked up to Aerith and asked nervously "So does that mean…"  
His sentence was cut off by opening of the door.  
It was Cid standing in the middle of the door.  
Cid with a tooth pick in his mouth "Hey flower girl, got a little surprise for ya"  
Cid stepped aside to reveal Cloud!  
Cloud walked in and looked at Aerith sheepishly.  
Aerith went close to him and observed his face not believing her eyes for a moment.  
Cloud looked up again and then without saying anything she clings onto him in a strong embrace and then they kissed.  
Looking at this from a distance was poor Leon who few moments ago felt more happy then he had ever been in his entire life.  
Now felt more broken and hurt then anything he had ever experienced before.  
Leon thought "So I guess that answers my question, she still belongs to Cloud"  
"She was never mine and may be she will never be mine"  
"Then why did she wear my griever necklace? Did she think that this was some sort of ornament? Or did she wear it just to make me happy?"  
So many questions yet he didn't wanted to know the answers.  
Although Cloud had left the same day, things had changed forever.

* * *

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**_

(One week ago)  
She was surrounded by a whole bunch of 'nobodies'.  
Although she knew how to use some advance magic she was still no match for 'nobodies'  
Aerith "This is hopeless, my magic is barely effecting them"  
She had been using magic constantly since past 30 minutes and she had managed to defeat only 3 'nobodies' and now she was completely out of energy.  
She collapsed on the ground and was completely defenseless, so she closed her eyes waiting for the inevitable.  
She thought "So is this how it ends? No I can't give up now, I have to be with Cloud, so it's not going to end here. At least I hope so"  
She opened her eyes once again, but this time with determination.  
A giant 'nobody' swiped its massive claw but she rolled away and protected herself from getting a direct hit on head but her leg wasn't that lucky.  
Its sharp claw has easily torn through her skin.  
All her new found determination vaporized in an instance as she screamed in pain.  
The 'nobody' was ready to finish her off as it swiped its razor sharp claw once again…but this time its claw was detached from its body.  
It was neatly sliced in half by a gunblade.  
The 'nobody' hissed in pain and every other 'nobody' turned around and focused their attention on the intruder.  
Leon stared backed with vengeance in his eyes, creatures attacked Leon one after another and Leon sliced them neatly one after another.  
After good 10 minutes of fight all 20 'nobodies' where really nobodies.

Leon finally turned around to check on Aerith.  
She was holding her leg and was crying in pain.  
Leon sat besides her wiped away her tears.

* * *

_**And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me**_

(One week ago)  
Leon wasn't expert magic user, the only recovering spell he knew was cure.  
So he constantly kept on casting cure on Aerith's leg until he was out of energy, and thanks to his cures it had stopped bleeding.  
It looked like the wound would take couple of days to heal completely.  
So for time being Aerith couldn't walk.  
Leon had no other option but to carry her.  
After few quite minutes Aerith finally asked him "How did you know?"  
Leon knew what she was referring to so he replied immediately "King Mickey informed me about a new threat when I went to his Castle, he told me about these new creatures called 'nobodies' "  
"On my way back Cid told me that you've left for Olympus, later I picked up signals from your gummy ship coming from this deserted planet, so I decided to check it out"

Silence again greeted them. After fighting periodically and walking through the rough forest for almost 6 hours they decided to take a break.  
Leon was tired from carrying her for so long and Aerith didn't wanted to be burden on him so she asked "How long before we reach your gummy ship?"  
Leon pointed towards a large cliff and said "It is up there. But in order to get there we would have to go around it. I was able to slide off it when I saw you in trouble but going back up at that height won't be easy. At this rate it might take us three and a half days"

After carrying Aerith around for almost two days she was finally able to walk.  
By the end of the second day she was able to run too,  
Next day they both started running but Aerith was not able to match Leon's speed.  
She started lagging behind when suddenly two 'nobodies' attacked Aerith, but distance between Leon and Aerith wasn't much so he rushed back and rescued her once again.  
Aerith was frightened now, so she clings onto Leon's arm and said in a begging tone "Leon I am scared, very very scared"  
Leon "Just stay close to me, ok."  
Leon then offered his hand to Aerith "Just hold my hand I'll get you out of this mess."

* * *

_**You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**_

(Four days ago)  
They ran hand in hand till the night fall.  
It was getting darker by minutes, so Leon grabbed a branch of a tree and tried to make a makeshift torch out of it.  
He cast fire on the wood but it was almost unaffected by it, he tried again but same results.  
Aerith giggled a bit then said "Let me show you how it's done."  
She cast fira on the branch and it started emitting light.  
Leon who was holding it thought "How I wished that you would lighten me from the darkness and sorrow and lead me to the light and happiness. (Sigh) But I know my wishes are to remain wishes forever."  
"Here I am trying to fulfill your wish and destroying all mine. Once you get back to Cloud I be left with nothing, I'll be more or less like these 'nobodies'"

* * *

_**Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams**_

(Three days ago)  
(Next morning)  
They where walking side by side, Aerith was looking ahead while Leon was looking at Aerith.  
Leon thought "I was so happy that day Aerith, when you wore my griever ring. I thought finally I would be able to share my pain with someone. Someone to comfort me when I feel alone. My happiness my joy it all felt like a dream, but no matter how good a dream is, its just a dream and it must end."  
"You taught me that, you proved that to me when you ran to Cloud."  
"Your beautiful face will haunt my dreams for rest of my life."  
"I was right I should have never depended on anyone, I am the only person I can depend on"

Aerith suddenly noticed that she was being scrutinized by Leon.  
Aerith "Anything on my face?"  
Leon "No, nothing"  
Aerith "Leon sometimes you have to say what you are thinking or I won't understand."

* * *

_**Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me**_

(Three days ago)  
They where finally able to get to the gummy ship.  
But the very first thing Aerith said was "Finally I will be able see Cloud now"  
Leon regretted "May be trying so hard to get off this world was not worth it. At least I was able to stay with her on this planet, but as soon as we get out of here it would be all over for me."  
"I wish my gummy ship breaks down, so I could spent some more time with her, but knowing my luck it would be in perfect condition."

* * *

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

(Few hours ago)  
Olympus was just few minutes away now.  
Leon sat back in his pilot seat while Aerith was sleeping in the passenger seat.  
Leon looked at her and all the events of the past came running back to him.  
The confession-the unspoken acceptance-the betrayal-the hurt, the pain and more pain…  
Leon then questioned himself "Is love really worth it? Was being Squall really worth it? I guess not. I think I am better off as Leon"  
"Guess lion can't be human after all"

* * *

_**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along**_

(Current)  
This was it, they where at the Olympus Coliseum.  
They entered the arena, and Leon stopped right there near the door.  
Aerith raised an eyebrow and Leon replied "This is as far as I can go Aerith; you are on your own now."  
Aerith who was few steppes ahead of Leon ran to him and embraced him.  
Leon on the other hand just stood like a statue; Aerith was a bit disappointed with this.  
Aerith was about release Leon when he wrapped his hands around her neck.  
Within few seconds Leon took his arms away and so did Aerith.

Leon said "I believe this does not belong to you anymore"  
That's when Aerith realized that he was not returning the hug but he was taking his chain back.  
Leon "Thanks for keeping it safe and…thanks for playing with it."

This sentence bought tears in Aerith's eyes, she didn't mean to wear his chain for so long.  
She had meant to wear it for just one day and then Cloud came and she totally forgot about it.  
Aerith thought "Oh my God! He thought that all this time I was just playing with his heart. Can't blame him because he told me not to where it if I don't mean it, plus all this time all I was concerned about was Cloud, so no wonder he felt that way."  
Leon said with no emotions in his voice "Now go Aerith, someone is waiting for you on the other side."

Aerith was still too busy in thinking so she followed the orders almost automatically, but suddenly stopped dead in her tracks when she realized that she was in the middle of the arena.  
She was almost half there and Leon could not watch it any further.  
She turned around and looked at Leon.  
"Good bye Aerith" where his last words before he walked out of the sight, broken.

She stood there frozen on the spot, "What should I do? Where should I go? Cloud has waited for me since last 9 years and he has been through the hell and back just to find me. Or should I go to Leon who had watched over me, guarded me, bleed for me, got wounded for me and loved me since last 9 years. Without Cloud I've been living like an empty shell and without Leon I would have lost this shell long ago. Oh god, please tell me where should I go?"

* * *

_**EVANESCENCE**_

_**My Immortal**_

_**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone**_

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me**_

_**You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me**_

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

_**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along**_

* * *

**A/N: Ok here it is one more angst fiction. So where should Aerith go? Well it's up to you; let me know in the review.**

**As usual folks you guys are more then welcome to point out my mistakes. Suggestions, review, tips, sarcasm, criticism or even flames are more then welcome. Thanks a bunch!**


End file.
